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Beautiful Grief



Grief is so weird. Sometimes it is calm and steady and other times it’s like a rip current. Grief is always there. You don’t stop grieving...you just learn to build your life around it. It becomes a part of who you are. Forever changed and different. Not all of the changes are bad, just different.
This past year has gone both quickly and slowly. It’s been gut-wrenching and it’s been happy. I’ve been the weakest and strongest I’ve ever been. I’ve felt isolated and I’ve felt loved. I’ve been both angry with God and comforted by Him.

I’ve learned a lot about God, Heaven, myself, and family and friends I love dearly. In the most heartbreaking circumstance of my life, when my trust in God felt betrayed, I somehow came out of it all trusting God more than I ever have before. The moments where I most doubted His goodness led me to a place where I am 100% sure of God’s goodness. The moments that shattered my faith brought me to the strongest faith I’ve ever had. God has used the worst thing that has ever happened in my life to cultivate a deeper relationship with Him. There truly is a peace that surpasses understanding. A peace that can only come from God.

This weekend, as I come upon the one year mark of my Dad’s death, I’m experiencing one of those rip currents of grief. I feel the same anxiety, sadness, and panic feelings that I felt a year ago. This time, though, I have greater hope, deeper faith and trust in God, the assurance of peace and of Heaven, the strength to face each day, and the wisdom to know that “It’ll be alright” (as Daddy always said).

Sometimes God allows us to be broken and completely shattered so that He can shape us into something more beautiful. Something new. He uses every broken piece to bring us to a new creation. Not one piece is wasted. He uses ALL things for the good for those who love Him. He will make all things new.


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